


Return To Kyoshi Island

by verosfuneral



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: AtLA, Friendship, Gen, Guilt, Love, Multi, Post-Avatar: The Last Airbender, Protective Zuko (Avatar), Redemption, Romance, Zuki, Zuko (Avatar)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25352233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verosfuneral/pseuds/verosfuneral
Summary: After the end of the hundred year war, the newly crowned Fire Lord Zuko takes a trip to Kyoshi Island. There, he finds that some regrets are too powerful to overcome, some temptations too overwhelming, and desperately seeks a way to rid himself of his shame. The last thing he needs are inexplicable feelings for Suki, his closest friend and most trusted advisor (who, of course, is still with his best friend Sokka) but things go the way they usually do for the golden-eyed boy- that is, terribly.
Relationships: Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Ty Lee (Avatar) & Original Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	1. Voyage

"Fire Lord Zuko, we've spotted Kyoshi Island, we'll be docking within the next few minutes," Captain Lei bowed at the end of his statement, staying in his bent stance until the dark-haired boy replied. 

"Thank you, Captain. Please let the rest of our crew know to be on their best behavior, we are guests. I have no jurisdiction here," Zuko’s voice carried around the small space of his quarters. Lei nodded and turned on his heel to carry out his orders, leaving the weary Fire Lord to sit in silence. 

The time since his coronation had been incredibly stressful. Tensions between nations after the war and imprisonment of Ozai hadn't lessened in the slightest. In fact, mistrust within his own country was soaring, and to make things even worse… Mai had left him. Zuko knew he had never been an exceptional boyfriend to her, even less so after his rise to the throne. The pressure of the crown and Ozai's legacy threatened to crush him under their weight, but his love for Mai never wavered. He wished she knew that. Sighing, Zuko turned towards the door, shaking his head clear and stepping out into the tiny corridor. 

Descending onto the surface of the ship, Zuko watched as Kyoshi Island grew larger, a warm breeze sweeping over him. The dark haired boy's heart jumped when he saw his friend Suki waiting for him on the docks, alongside Ty Lee and what seemed to be the rest of Kyoshi's citizens, all raising their voices to greet the young Fire Lord. 

Zuko couldn't help but be overcome with joy. A year ago, this would not have been possible. Every smiling face was reassurance that he had done the right thing, that he fought for the right side. Ozai's voice clung to the back of his mind like the hissing of a snake…

"Honor... Ancestry... Destiny." 

No, Zuko said to himself. Ozai was wrong. Evil. Not a single one of his father's actions during his time as Fire Lord were honorable, so why should Zuko place him as the blueprint of his own? The relentless storm that plagued Zuko's mind was the exact reason for his visit to Kyoshi Island. Some time away from the Fire Nation would rid his mind of bias and help make his path clear, according to Iroh at least, and Zuko could rest knowing his homeland was safe with the old master in charge. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the massive ship was finally tied off and its occupants allowed to descend. Zuko took a deep breath, straightening his shoulders and plastering the kindest smile he could manage on his face. No matter what happiness the angsty teen was feeling, all that registered on his face was disdain. It was a curse. 

As he waded through all the Kyoshi citizens, who adorned him with wreaths of jungle herbs and gifted him handmade trinkets and goods, Zuko found it easier and easier to genuinely smile. These people, who he had wreaked so much havoc upon not even two years before, hugged and kissed him as though he had just returned home from a long journey. Shame swept over him when he remembered his attack on the small island, his cheeks turning the same deep red as his scar. After a while he reached Oyaji, Suki, and Ty Lee, who stood at the end of the docks closest to the island. "Fire Lord Zuko, Kyoshi Island welcomes you!" the bearded leader shook Zuko's hand fervently, his smile so large his eyes seemed to close. Suki pulled him in for a hug, lingering a little longer than was appropriate by royal standard. Zuko, however, could not care less. 

Suki had been nothing but wonderful to him since they busted out of The Boiling Rock, and Zuko always found such comfort in her strong presence and unwavering kindness. She squeezed him tightly before letting go, assuming her prior upright position with her hands clasped in front of her. Before Zuko could turn, Ty Lee had engulfed him in one of her pretzel-esque hugs, her familiar perfumed scent carrying him into softer, fonder childhood memories. Laughing, the dark-haired boy untangled himself from the nimble girl and set her down, straightening his armor.

"I've missed you both. The palace doesn't feel as safe without the Kyoshi Warriors standing guard," Zuko smiled, bowing to each of the girls. "Oyaji, thank you for allowing me sanctuary here. I know I have brought great pain to this ancient place, but I plan to give back as much as you will allow me." He bowed to the gray-haired man as well, hoping he was conveying all the remorse he truly felt. Oyaji chuckled, clapping his hands together. "Fear not, young Fire Lord! Suki has relayed the stories of your great penance and sacrifice, and all you have done to help restore balance to the world," the plump man paused to look out at his people, who had all fallen incredibly silent when Zuko began to speak. "Not to mention all you did to return our precious Suki to us. The Boiling Rock! What a dreadful place! I believe I speak for everyone here when I say your debt has been more than repaid, Fire Lord Zuko."

A murmur of agreement swept through the large crowd. Humbled, Zuko clasped his hand to his chest and bowed to the forgiving people of Kyoshi, overwhelmed by their kindness. Suki rested her hand on his forearm, pulling his attention from the crowd. "We'd like to escort you to your quarters, Fire Lord Zuko, so you can get settled in for the night?" Zuko nodded, offering the crowd one last wave before following Suki and Ty Lee up the incline. 

"The island seems to be flourishing," Zuko murmured as they walked, reaching out to touch an especially green piece of foliage on a bush beside their path. Suki smiled, her short hair swinging with each step she took. "Fire brings new life. Flowers are blooming that haven't been seen since Kyoshi's time. Katara and Aang helped speed the process up as well." Embarrassment swept over him once again when he pictured the carnage of the flames, created by his hand, and the incredible amount of labor it must have taken to rebuild this peaceful place. None of which he contributed to. 

Heaving a deep sigh, Zuko followed the two girls in silence for the rest of their journey. They walked through a residential area just at the base of the mountain, passing a group of burly men tossing hammers for sport, who all paused to glare at the trio. Zuko turned away. Try as he might, he couldn't rid himself of the immense shame he had felt since the dock. Why did he think coming here was a good idea?

"We're here, Zuko," Ty Lee's bubbly voice seeped into his thoughts, drawing his attention to the small abode before them. Suki fumbled with the door, her cheeks red. "I know it's not much; I've only lived here for a few months. It's my first time living on my own, you know?" On her own? Zuko thought it was a genuinely nice place to make one’s home. Iroh would love it here, he thought to himself, and once again he longed to have the wise old man accompanying him. He would say the perfect thing, compliment Suki's home or her work in getting there, but Zuko fell short of words, per usual. 

The silent trio walked in to a small, quaint seating area, with just a few pillows around a short table. "It has two bedrooms! I’m sorry, it's no Fire Palace. I just didn't think you would be comfortable at Oyaji's house. He has small grandchildren who live with him." Zuko nodded, grateful for Suki's acceptance of him in her home. "I don't mind kids, but you're right Suki. I much prefer the quiet here. Thank you," he took the girl's calloused hand between his own, clasping it firmly. He thought he saw her cheeks flush, but she turned before he could get a better look. 

Ty Lee bounced around the small space, her long braid curling around her body like a whip. Zuko had never been very fond of the girl when they were kids. He found her incessant happiness tiring, and her idolization of Azula a little off-putting, but she had become a different person after the war. She seemed much more secure with herself, her happiness genuine and not manufactured. Being a Kyoshi Warrior fit her much better than being Azula's lackey.

Her presence made him sad, too. It made Mai's absence much harder to ignore.

He prayed Mai had already told Ty Lee the state of their relationship, or lack thereof, so he could avoid any topics surrounding her. He missed her dearly. It hurt to think about. 

Just when Zuko thought he was in the clear, Ty Lee's voice sounded through the room. "Why didn't you bring Mai with you? I would love to see her." Zuko rounded on the girl, her large grey eyes imploring. From his peripheral he saw Suki turn away, shaking her head. "We broke up, Ty Lee. Or, she broke up with me." Zuko yearned to go upstairs and change. He knew one of his crew members stood outside with his bags, but he also knew that an escape from this conversation would not be easy. 

Brows furrowed, Ty Lee stepped up to Zuko, who now towered above the girl- ponytail and all. "What do you mean, she broke up with you? Is that why your aura is so..." she extended her hands, motioning to his entirety, "Dull?" Rolling his eyes, the dark-haired boy shook his head, rubbing at his unscarred temple. "She said I love my secrets more than her. Which isn't true!" He exclaimed when Ty Lee's face shifted from sympathy to disdain. "I don't love my 'secrets' at all, I just... I just want to shield her from this horrible life that I was thrown into, and the person I'm terrified of becoming!"

Zuko hadn't realized that his voice had grown louder and his stance more menacing, only becoming aware of it when he nearly bumped into Ty Lee. She cowered before him, and he recognized the fear on her face from her days with Azula. Suki and a young guard, who Zuko knew as Arzo, came running in from two separate directions, the former stepping firmly between Zuko and Ty Lee and the latter assuming a fire bending pose, poised to strike on the Fire Lord's command. 

Eyes wide, Zuko stepped back, putting a hand up to relieve Arzo of his stance. "Ty Lee, please forgive me, I-" Suki shook her head, and within a second Zuko noted her planted feet and closed fists. In that instant, he was a threat, and he deserved to be seen as one. He wanted to smack himself.

"We’re friends, Zuko, but Ty Lee is my sister now. You are in my house. The title of Fire Lord earns you nothing here," Suki's clear blue eyes narrowed, and Ty Lee placed her hand on the fierce girl's shoulder, shaking her head. After a moment of hesitation, Suki stepped back, her demeanor relaxing only slightly. Releasing the breath he had been holding for what seemed to be forever, Zuko did the same. Even with his fire bending, he knew he was no match for the girls. 

Ty Lee stepped over to Zuko and placed her hands on either of his arms, smiling at him. "It's alright, Zuko. You weren't angry with me; you're obviously going through a lot up there in your head." The dark-haired boy nodded, his eyes fluttering closed. He could swear she was doing something to calm him down, he just didn't know what. It wasn't like he minded. It felt like the sedative he received after Ozai used his face for target practice. "I know you would never hurt me," she added, quietly. 

Taking a deep breath, Zuko smiled back, relieved at her sentiment. "Thanks, Ty Lee," he whispered in response. A couple heartbeats passed in silence, with them in the same position and the odd calm making its way over Zuko. When Ty Lee finally released him, she kissed Suki on the cheek and announced her departure. "We'll have a meditation session together tomorrow, if you have time," she smiled at Zuko once more, squeezing his hand and bouncing her way out of the house. 

Suki crossed her arms, heading up the stairs without another word. Desperation began tingling at Zuko's fingertips, trying to overtake the peace Ty Lee had left him with. "Arzo, leave my bags and retire to the crew’s quarters. I believe Oyaji said it was one of the buildings across the meadow from the docks." The young guard nodded, his dark curls falling from his ponytail. "Are you certain you will be safe here, sir?" he asked, glancing upstairs nervously. 

Zuko rested his hand upon Arzo's shoulder, nodding and motioning to the door. "I'm safer here than I am anywhere in the Fire Nation. Go, please get some rest. We've been at sea for days." The young guard nodded, taking one last begrudging look at Zuko before leaving the house. 

Ashamed at his blowup, Zuko didn't feel it appropriate to seek Suki out, heading up the wooden stairs as silently as he could. When he made it up, he was met with three doors. One was obviously the bathroom, and he assumed the two others were the bedrooms, one shut and one open. Entering the latter, Zuko was met with a simple earth toned room that reminded him of his and Iroh's apartment in Ba Sing Se. A large bed sat in the middle of the room, across from a low wooden dresser and matching bedside tables. The door to what Zuko guessed was a balcony was situated on the east wall.

Setting his bag on the foot of the bed, Zuko took his time removing his armor and traditional clothing. He opted for his favorite black tunic and drawstring pants, letting his hair fall from his headpiece and shaking it out in relief. The Fire Lord persona lay on the bed in front of him. He was just Zuko again.

Not that that was any better.

The loneliness he had felt since Mai broke things off washed over him in waves. As he lay on the bed, Zuko realized that he had never truly felt like he belonged anywhere besides with Mai. Even his time with Team Avatar, love him as they may, was full of shifty awkwardness. He always felt just a little out of place, a little out of tune with the rest of the group. Earlier with Suki reinforced that. They would always be on the alert when it came to him. 

Again, it wasn't unwarranted. With all he had done to the people of the four nations, to his friends specifically, to the very island he resided in, it was a wonder anyone could even look his way without attacking. That fact made him feel even worse. 

Iroh once told him self-pity was just a way to avoid taking responsibility, and that only genuine remorse would absolve him of his guilt. If Zuko was anything, he was remorseful. He wanted to fix what he had done, what his family and his nation had done, but where could he even begin?

Lost in his thoughts, he almost didn't hear the quiet knock on his door. Bolting upright, he found Suki standing in the doorway, changed into what Zuko guessed were her night clothes. "Hey," she smiled sheepishly, nodding towards the balcony. "Wanna sit outside for a little while? Sokka says Kyoshi sunsets are the closest you can get to the ones in the South Pole."

Zuko accepted her invitation instantly, jumping to open the door for her. Smiling, Suki stepped out onto the small, fenced in ledge, leaning against the railing and gazing out at the sun drenched waves.

"How is Sokka? I haven't seen him the last few times Aang and Katara have visited me." Zuko came to stand beside her, resting his forearms on the smooth wood. Suki looked away, shaking her head. "He's been staying home, with the Southern Water Tribes. Helping them get on track, rebuilding everything. Reuniting families."

"When was the last time you saw him?" It was strange for Suki to seem so down about Sokka. He usually went out of his way for the girl beside him, putting his life on the line for her on several occasions. Tucking her hair behind her ears, Suki sighed, glancing over at the newly ascending moon with a look of disdain. 

"Two months. Almost three. The last few times I've seen him, he just seemed so... zoned out. He stares at the moon and gets this look on his face like... like he'd rather be somewhere else." Even Zuko could pick up on the pain in her voice. "The Southern Water Tribes are just a few days journey, at most! Even a letter here and there would be nice, you know? I know he's so important, and so many people need him, but... I need him, too."

Zuko stayed silent, wondering if this bore any semblance to the way he made Mai feel. He knew of Sokka's relationship with the moon, but he thought the boisterous young man had come to peace with it. From the look of unadulterated sadness on Suki's face, he was wrong. He placed his hand over hers, squeezing her fingers tenderly. "That doesn't sound like Sokka. I'm sure he just needs a little time to adjust, we all know how much he cares for you,"

Suki glanced down at their interlaced hands, the faint blush rising to her cheeks again. "I don't know, Zuko. I think our time may be up. I'll admit that living alone has made me more sensitive to certain things, shifts in energy..." Shaking her head, the brunette leaned sideways on the railing, directing all of her attention to the wiry teen before her. "I heard you're not any better off in the romance department. Would you like to talk about it?" The sun finally sank below the horizon, taking its painted sky with it.

It was hard not to notice that Suki hadn't moved her hand from his. Physical affection was so frowned upon in the royal family that Zuko developed a hyperawareness around it, zoning in on any contact and fixating on it. Trying to ignore the burning in his palm, Zuko shrugged, mirroring Suki's stance before answering her. "If you think I make a bad friend, you should see me as a boyfriend." 

The brunette's face scrunched up, and she pulled her hand from his in shock. "Why would I think you make a bad friend, Zuko?" Her tone was serious, her blue eyes clouded in confusion. "If it weren't for you, I'd have rotted in that prison. After all we’ve been through, it's hurtful to think that's what you believe of me." Zuko began panicking. He didn't want Suki to get the wrong impression at all. "No! No, I just.. Ah!" Clasping his hands to his face in frustration, Zuko groaned, "Why can't words just come easily to me!"

He heard giggling and peeked over at Suki, who was hiding her smile behind her hands. "What's so funny?" Zuko asked, his voice teetering on anger. 

Shaking her head, she reached out to smooth Zuko's tunic. "You don't need to explain anything to me. I just think that you're so hard on yourself, and I have yet to figure out why." Zuko remained silent, watching her fumble with the fabric of his shirt. "You can't carry the guilt of your past forever. You were a child, Zuko, a product of Ozai's brainwashing. What's important is that you've redeemed yourself! If it wasn't for you the war would have been lost. You sacrificed everything to do what was right. I wish that counted for something to you."

Her words touched Zuko in a way no one else's ever had. He took a shaky breath before responding, holding her hand against his chest. "Thank you, Suki. I mean it. I guess I'm just unsure of where to go from here, or how to be a leader. I don't want to follow in my father's footsteps, and I try to listen to what Iroh tells me, but nothing ever seems to feel right. It's like my whole country is on the edge of their seat, taking bets on when I'll mess up."

Suki shook her head, rubbing her thumb along the hem of Zuko's tunic. "You're not Ozai, but you're not Iroh, either. You're Zuko. You know right from wrong and you love your people, that's the most important part of being a leader. When they see how much you care for them, and how much work you have done to reverse the actions of your ancestors, they'll love you just as much as we do." 

The strong moonlight washed over Suki's face, it's rays reflecting off her deep blue eyes in a way that made Zuko's stomach knot up. He always knew Suki was pretty, but had never given her looks too much thought. Now her alluring features were all that filled his mind. He felt very close to her all of a sudden, and a deep yearning to be even closer flooded his chest. The silence between them was deafening. Their hands were still interlaced, the space between them filled with electricity. 

Zuko felt that he should kiss her, he WANTED to kiss her, but why on earth would she want to kiss him? Though he had never been the best at picking up on social cues, especially when it came to things like this, even he knew this was a boundary he could not cross. He would not take advantage of his friend's lonely heart in such a way. 

Releasing Suki's hand, Zuko turned away from her, shame blossoming across his cheeks. Sokka would never speak to him again if he caught wind of this interaction. Hearing Suki's feet shift, he turned to find the usually confident girl avoiding his eyes, her hand on the doorknob. "I'm going to turn in, Zuko. I'll see you in the morning, Oyaji wants us to join him for breakfast." The brunette offered a small smile, sliding the door open and taking a step inside. 

Zuko, embarrassed as he was, desperately did not want Suki to leave. "Wait!" His voice was louder than he intended, but her bemusement kept her on the balcony, one eyebrow cocked up. 

Stammering, Zuko searched for something to say. "I was wondering if I could train with the Kyoshi Warriors while I'm here. I'd like to brush up on my combat skills. Never too safe, you know?" He scratched at the back of his neck, hoping the moon didn't illuminate the redness in his cheeks. Suki beamed at him this time, nodding softly. "Of course, we would be honored to train you. I'll take you to our temple after lunch tomorrow. Goodnight, Fire Lord Zuko." She offered him a slight bow before going back inside, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! It took everything Zuko had not to fling himself from the balcony. Had he overstepped? Was Suki doing him a service by leaving him alone rather than full on rejecting him? 

What was he even thinking? Why was he even thinking about his one of his best friend's girlfriend that way? Sokka would knock him into oblivion with that boomerang he toted around. Leaning against the railing, Suki's wide blue eyes filled his mind. Was it just a mixture of Zuko's aching loneliness and the brunette's proximity to him, or was it an actual crush? Shaking his head, Zuko groaned in agitation. 

He was the Fire Lord, for crying out loud. There was no reason that with all the huge responsibilities on his shoulders, he should be standing there with his stomach in knots over a girl. The girl his best friend loved, at that.

Iroh's voice swam through his thoughts. "You are still a teenager, Zuko. Don't miss out on life for the sake of the crown."

It wasn't like Suki was unattractive, she was the farthest thing from it. Zuko knew she was an extremely talented strategist and an even more formidable fighter. She demanded respect without saying a word, and it was given to her without a second thought. It was no wonder at all why Sokka had been so infatuated with her.

That's why it didn't make any sense that he would abandon Suki like this. The pain clouding those clear blue eyes... Zuko nearly couldn't stand it. The urge to just scream overtook him again, his palms burning, and he had to take a few shaky breaths to calm himself down. 

Ever since he and Aang had been taught the ancient ways of fire bending by the dragons, Zuko was managing his anger much better than he had in the past. A two steps forward, one step back sort of thing. It was always bubbling just under his surface, the first emotion to show itself whenever something took the golden eyed boy out of his comfort zone.

Deciding to conclude, for the night at least, that his indiscretion with Suki had been borne simply out of mutual desolation, Zuko walked back into his room, filled with shame and regret. After undressing, he pulled his blankets back and slid in to the surprisingly soft bed, laying flat on his back with his hands behind his head.

There wasn't anything particularly interesting about the ceiling. Nothing to distract him from his thoughts. Eventually, like every night before this, Mai entered his mind. 

He knew it would be best for the both of them if he moved on. It was unfair to carry her in his heart the way he was. Maybe he would just be one of those royals who never married, whose heir would be chosen instead of born into the lineage.

Except it wasn't known if a Fire Lord had ever done that. Zuko wished fiercely that he could find out, that Sozin had never erased all history before himself. He made a mental note to research as much as he could once he returned home, and to make sure the schools changed their curriculum to actual information, not the watered down version Fire Nation children had been taught for the last hundred years.

Regardless, Zuko could not picture marrying anybody aside from Mai. Her cynicism and outlook mirrored his, and didn't make him feel so out of place. She had evolved so much, allowed herself to open up, and Zuko could not even offer her the simple promise of not keeping secrets.

He just wanted to keep her safe. When it came to most things, Mai was more than capable of handling herself. Even Zuko would not bet on himself in a fight against her. But the trauma of being a part of his family, his horrible, demented family, was not something he was willing to put Mai through. He loved her too much for that.

Sometime, as he was drowning in the sea of his thoughts, Zuko drifted into an uneasy, half-aware kind of slumber. Since his coronation, he estimated that he slept a total of seven hours, tops. Tonight was no different. The relentless nightmares that plagued him jolted him awake, sweaty and out of breath, at least four times before the sun began to rise. When his room was filled with the pale light of dawn, the dark-haired boy decided to just go ahead and get up, sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

Quiet birdsong slowly began to fill the space, bringing Uncle Iroh to mind as Zuko rifled through his clothes. He would give anything to have the old man with him. Zuko valued his sage wisdom and positive energy more than he believed Iroh would ever know. A smile on his face, Zuko pulled a dark red shirt from his bag, searching in vain for the matching pants.

His optimism quickly dissipated, however, when he heard the door click to open. Suki stood in the doorway a moment later, just as shocked by Zuko's nearly naked form as he was by her sudden appearance. "Zuko!" she exclaimed; eyes wide. "I'm so sorry, I- I thought you'd be asleep! I was coming to wake you!" Her hand was still on the knob, apparently frozen in place. 

Scrambling for something to cover himself, Zuko felt his face heat to the point of fever. "Well don't just stand there!" he yelled, his voice rising a couple of octaves from sheer mortification. Without another word, Suki nodded, her face the same color as the shirt in Zuko's hand, and shut the door. 

Was it possible to die of embarrassment? Zuko sure hoped it was, because he had no idea how he could ever look Suki in the eyes again knowing she had seen... pretty much all of him. Dressing with the speed of an eel hound, Zuko tried to prepare himself to go downstairs and face the girl, whose shocked face haunted his mind.

It wasn't that he necessarily disliked the way he looked. Aside from his scars, he thought of himself as very average looking, if he thought of himself at all. What did Suki think of him? He was sure she found his marred face off-putting. Sure that she only stared for so long out of surprise. Narcissism, a family trait, began to spread through his mind like ink, and Zuko rubbed at his temples in an attempt to force it away.

True humility. True humility. True humility.

When he had shoved the mantra down his own throat enough times, Zuko felt he was prepared to see Suki again. It was an accident both were embarrassed by. Nothing more. Nothing less.

After another deep breath, the golden eyed teen straightened himself and opened his door, jogging down the stairs and rounding into the small living room. 

Suki sat cross-legged on one of her floor pillows, her hair pulled away from her face and her standard green tunic tied around her torso. She smiled sheepishly, averting her eyes and standing up. "Ready to go?" the brunette asked softly, glancing over at Zuko with the same small smile on her face. He nodded towards the door, beaming back at her. "Absolutely, I'm starving."

Visibly relaxing, Suki clapped him on the shoulder and made her way out of the house, closely followed by Zuko. He was grateful that she didn't say anything about the morning's incident and acted as she normally did. The tension in Zuko's shoulders eased. They were just two friends once more. 

Zuko was glad that his crew obeyed his order of leaving him be during their visit. His time in exile made him forget how suffocating being a royal was, and he needed this time away to be an actual break from the all-consuming lifestyle. He definitely didn't mind being alone with Suki, either.

They walked the dirt path in silence, with Zuko marveling at the sleepy village beginning their day. A dozen or so fisherman gathered their nets by the docks, chatting amongst themselves as they readied their boats. Suki took him along a hilled route, where they could see the merchants opening their stalls in the marketplace. People carried barrels of fruit and vegetables on their hips, and the longer they walked the more alive the village became. 

It was no wonder Iroh had chosen to retire in the Earth Kingdom. The whole continent had a very cohesive and symbiotic way of life, one that mirrored Iroh's ideals and who he was as a person. Zuko smiled at the boisterous laughter of two old men playing a game of Pai Sho outside a shuttered restaurant. He would have to bring Uncle to play with them someday.

They passed a series of houses towards the crest of the highest hill, where several small families were starting what Zuko guessed were their daily chores. They all waved and greeted the duo, and a mother and her daughter called out to Suki excitedly, racing to meet her at the dirt path. Suki lit up at the sight of them, not hesitating to swoop the young girl into her arms, covering her small face in kisses. "Nyoka! I haven't seen you in forever, little lady!" Suki exclaimed, looking up at the approaching woman with the same happiness in her face. "Nyomi, it's so good to see you! Your husband said you guys were in Omashu for the month!"

Suki was obviously an extremely loved figure in the village. Zuko stood back, enjoying the happiness radiating from the group. The girl, Nyoka, who couldn't have been any older than six or seven, shook her head vigorously, smoothing Suki's ponytail. "We came back early, Mama doesn't like auntie enough to stay for a whole month!"

Zuko had to turn the other way to hide his laughter. He had always envied children's ability to speak freely. He heard the girl's mother hush her, smothering laughter of her own. Nyoka made a face and continued chattering to Suki, who carried on the conversation with the same respect she would any adult. Joy was a very good look for her, Zuko thought. Much better than the agonizing sadness she displayed the night before. The thought of it brought genuine pain to Zuko's chest, and he had to clear his throat to stifle the sudden, unfamiliar feeling. 

"Suki, can I come train with the Kyoshi Warriors again? I've been practicing! Mama says I can't play with the boys anymore because I 'always make them bleed'," the young girl made another face of pure annoyance, crossing her arms as Suki set her down. Glancing up at Nyomi, who nodded in acceptance of her daughter's request, Suki pretended to ponder her question. "We're training with the Fire Lord today, Nyoka. You'll have to ask if you can sit in on his session."

Caught off guard, Zuko's eyes widened. The young girl walked up to him boldly, hands on her hips. "Fire Lord Zuko, can I pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaase come to your training session? It's the least you can do, you burned our house down!" The girl’s mother rushed to swoop her up, hushing her with a look of wild dismay on her face. 

"Oh, Nyoka! Why would you say that?" It took Zuko a moment to process the child's words, as well as the fear on her mother's face. "Fire Lord, please forgive us. I told her we have to move past what happened, but she just-" Zuko shook his head, the all too familiar cloak of shame wrapping around him. "Nyomi, please. I-I could never put into words how sorry I am for the pain I've brought you and your family. Anything I can do to even begin to repay my debt to you, anything at all, name it." 

It was different when those who faced the consequences of his decisions were nameless, faceless people. Zuko never had to meet one of his victims before, and he definitely was not prepared to in that moment. What could he say? What could he ever do to make up for burning down their family home? Directing his attention to the girl in her mothers arms, whose face was now red with shame, Zuko continued. "Nyoka, I would love for you to come and teach me some moves. You seem like a very capable combatant."

Lighting up, the little girl nodded, jumping from her mother's arms to demonstrate the moves she had been working on. Nyomi, still flustered, laughed softly while her daughter rolled about in the grass. "Thank you, young Fire Lord. I was so worried... but Suki was right. You're much different than those who came before you." She offered him a sweet smile, but that did nothing to satiate the guilt that sat in the bottom of his stomach, making him nauseous. 

Zuko looked over at their home, a cute stilted house like the rest of those on Kyoshi. He wondered what their old one looked like. How long they had lived there. How many memories were burned to ash by Zuko himself... he was disgusted, so disgusted he wanted to fling himself from the top of the nearest cliff. 

He was the last person who deserved Nyomi's kindness. Try as he might to avoid Suki's eyes, he saw her facial expression change, her brows furrowing and her smile disappearing. Zuko hated that, too.

The brunette said goodbye to the mother and daughter, exchanging embraces and kind words. Both Nyomi and Nyoka waved to Zuko joyfully before returning to the garden by their house. Not speaking, Suki spent another few heartbeats staring at him, that same scrunched up expression on her face. Under her scrutiny, Zuko's breathing hitched. She was so... intense. Powerful. She scared the living daylights out of him, in all honesty. 

This face was different, though. Suki wasn't on the offensive. She looked... worried? Finally, Zuko stared straight back at her. "What is it?" he asked, his voice thick with all the emotions he felt in the moment. 

When she replied, her own voice was just above a whisper. "What did I tell you last night about guilt, Zuko?"

He thought back, embarrassed when he discovered the only memories that came to mind were those of his and Suki's interlaced fingers, or the moonlight reflected in her wide blue eyes. "Uh-"

"That's right! I said that you cannot carry it with you forever. People have forgiven you, Zuko, I'm begging you to forgive yourself." She had gotten so close to Zuko by this time that he could see himself in the pupils of her eyes. He felt his heart begin to hammer in his chest. How had he developed such an infatuation with Suki in such a short time?

Sighing, Zuko shook his head, forcing his gaze away from the fierce brunette. "You don't understand. How could I have possibly earned these people's forgiveness? I burned your village to the ground. It's a wonder no one was killed," he turned away, feeling his throat tighten. "I'm a monster."

Eyes closed, he felt Suki's hands cup either side of his face, her fingertips grazing his scar. Zuko didn't flinch. 

"You are not a monster, Zuko. Do you know how much courage it took to come here and meet my people? Only you would have the guts to face your bad decisions head on this way." When he opened his eyes, Zuko found an incredibly concerned Suki just inches from him. She stroked her thumb across his cheek, searching his face. "Tonight will be a large feast, most of the village will be attending. Anyone can air out their grievance to you, and you can do what you think is best to pay your debt. Deal?" Much to his disdain, she released his face, offering a smile.

That didn't sound all that appeasing to him, to be quite honest, but he nodded in agreeance anyway. He and Suki continued on their path in silence, with Nyoka's words playing nonstop in his mind and her mother's fearful face painting the inside of his eyelids.

There was nothing in the world Zuko hated more than being feared. It made him feel like Ozai or Azula. Being seen as a threat was, in his opinion, the biggest measure of your character. He couldn't help but wonder if people would ever stop cowering before him, if he would ever be seen as a kind and helpful figure. Like Suki. Or Aang. Katara.

Literally anyone else.

After what seemed like an eternity, the two of them finally ascended the short staircase outside of Oyaji's home, giving themselves a moment to catch their breath before they knocked on the great wooden doors. 

The bearded man opened his door full of joy, greeting the two of them with hearty handshakes. "Ah, welcome to my home Fire Lord Zuko, Lead Warrior Suki," he bowed to each of them in turn before stepping back, opening his arm to usher them into the small entryway. Zuko smiled, allowing Suki to walk in first and bowing deeply to the old man. "Thank you for welcoming me into your home, Oyaji. I look forward to sharing breakfast with you." 

Oyaji took them on a tour of his grand home, introducing him to his extensive family. His wife had passed a few years before, but their six children and thirteen grandchildren all lived with him. Zuko was grateful that Suki chose for him to stay with her, instead.

The morning passed in a blur. Zuko was used to formalities, to cordial meals and small talk. Throughout their (rather large) breakfast, he found himself catching Suki's eye from across the table. Each time, she smiled sheepishly and turned away, but not before Zuko could see the blood rise to her cheeks. She would carry on a conversation with one of Oyaji's relatives, but only a moment later steal another glance at him.

Ugh! He thought he had shut this inner monologue down the night before. Suki was with Sokka, unhappy as she was. It wouldn't be right on so many levels. Zuko couldn't deal with any more guilt. So why did his brain keep seeking her out?

The meal had obviously been prepared by loving hands. The braised turtle-duck was much finer than any dish the cooks at the Fire Palace had placed before him. "Oyaji," Zuko spoke from the old man's left side. "This is possibly the best meal I have ever eaten; I can't begin to thank you for your hospitality."

Waving his hand, the bearded man shook his head. "Think nothing of it, Lord Zuko, I am honored to walk the path to harmony between the four nations." Zuko smiled, nodding in respect. "If you enjoyed this, just wait until the feast tonight! All of Kyoshi's finest chefs have agreed to cater," Oyaji continued, slurping his veggie noodles into his mouth. 

The esteemed leader decided to escort them on a walk about the island, going into detail about every new development and system put in place. At Zuko's insistence, Oyaji agreed to accept a small fortune of gold pieces to help in purchasing supplies, but shook his head vigorously at the proposal of a contract with Fire Nation construction. 

"Young Fire Lord, your presence and those of your trusted crew are more than welcome here in our village, but I don't think my people would be very willing to rebuild using Fire Nation labor and materials," the man avoided Zuko's eyes as he spoke, looking out at the docks instead. "I hope you understand.

Nyoka's little face flashed before his eyes, his stomach turning on itself. "Absolutely, Oyaji. Thank you for your consideration." Zuko bowed to the old man, and they continued their walk around the village.


	2. Finding Freedom

As nauseous as he was, Zuko fell more and more for the little island the longer they walked. Everyone seemed to know each other, and the citizens of Kyoshi all seemed so jovial and in love with life. It made him reminiscent of he and Uncle Iroh's time as refugees. As stressful as that part of his life had been, Zuko often found himself wishing for nothing more than to be back serving tea at the Jasmine Dragon. Things had changed, for the better of course, but a simple life seemed more and more appealing every day.

Oyaji talked nonstop about the island’s history, and Suki kept pace beside Zuko in silence. Their hands kept brushing one another, until Zuko's face became so hot he clasped his own behind his back. Suki's brows furrowed, but she didn't say anything until the group had circled back to Oyaji's home. 

Bidding the old leader goodbye was a long ordeal. He shook Zuko's hand about fifty times, going into detail about that night's banquet and how happy he was that the Fire Lord was attending. Finally, he kissed Suki on both cheeks and sent them on their way, chittering to his servants on the way back into his house. 

"Very talkative man, Oyaji," Zuko chuckled, glancing over at the brunette. She smiled, "He has a lot to say, I think. He's a good guy, well loved."

Her words made Zuko wonder what his citizens genuinely thought of him. He knew he had garnered a lot of support, even those who were loyal to Ozai showed him respect, but he also knew he wasn't exactly a ”well loved” leader. Though he longed to be.

Suki looked up at the sky, covering her eyes. "It's probably a little after one, would you like to head to the temple for our training session?" She squared off with Zuko, eyebrow raised. In the sunlight, he realized that Suki's eyes were not blue at all. They were a deep periwinkle, a color Zuko had never seen before. He was mesmerized by them.

So mesmerized, in fact, that he did not notice the multiple attempts Suki made at capturing his attention, only zoning back into her when she swiftly punched his arm.

"Ow!" He yelped, rubbing the sore spot on his bicep. The bruises from Toph's affections had only JUST started to go away. Suki smirked, crossing her arms. "You better toughen up, Fire Lord, you're training with the Kyoshi Warriors now!" Smiling, she motioned up the winding hill to the temple that sat on it's crest. "I've got some things I need to check on, but my girls will be waiting for you. I'll be in soon, okay?"

She didn't wait for a response before she was jogging back into the village, leaving Zuko to his thoughts and immense social anxiety. 

The Kyoshi Temple was sacred. Was it even okay for him to step inside? He knew that Sokka had donned their regalia when he trained with them, but to Zuko's knowledge he was the only male who had EVER been allowed to do so. Having no idea how he was to be received, the dark-haired boy trudged up the hill, prepared for the worst.

When he made it to the great oak doors, knocking as loud as he could, his stomach was turned inside out. It was incredible to him that he had been prepped in socializing his entire life, yet fell short in every single interaction he had. Relief flooded his stomach when Ty Lee pulled the doors open, her familiar smile taking over her delicate features. "Zuko!" She exclaimed, pulling him into a vice-like grip as she always did. "Where's Suki?" 

Shrugging, Zuko looked out at the village behind him. "I don't know, she said she had things to take care of." Ty Lee made a face but didn't say anything else, pulling Zuko into the spacious building.

If Zuko was nervous before, the number of eyes that fell on him made him feel like crawling out of his skin. Offering an (admittedly awkward) wave to the group of girls, Zuko sunk onto the floor, back against the wall and his heart thudding out of his chest. A giggling bundle of green fabric steamrolled into him, splaying out and revealing itself to be Nyoka.

"Hi, Fire Lord Zuko! Don't you just love it here? I wish I was old enough to be a Kyoshi Warrior already! Alya said I'm gonna be the best warrior on the island!" The young girl carried on in this manner for a few minutes, not allowing Zuko to get a word in edge wise as she situated herself on his lap. He didn't mind. Her enthusiasm reminded him of a young Azula, all wide eyes and hyper focus. Minus the homicidal ideations, of course.

Time passed, with the warriors getting more and more antsy with every tick of the clock. What could be keeping Suki? Though he knew the girl was more than capable of handling herself, worry flared in Zuko's stomach. He didn't want any more harm to come to her, be it physically or emotionally. 

Zuko sat in silence as Nyoka bounced around the room, so excited to see the rest of the Kyoshi warriors her little body couldn't contain it. "Alya, look, I've been practicing the scissor kick!"

His back against the wall, Zuko took the time to observe the warriors. They had broken into sparring pairs as they waited for Suki to arrive, going against each other for a minute or so before switching out. Even in training, without their uniforms, the girls had surpassed the point of intimidation. Every movement was so fast and concise, Zuko could never figure out which way the fighters were about to go.

The warriors used their combatant's weight against them, he noticed. They managed to disarm and unbalance their opponent in just a few moves. It was a very neat thing to watch. It reminded him of Katara's waterbending, all fluidity. 

Ty Lee came to settle beside him after a while, crossing her legs and turning to look at the dark-haired boy. She sat to his left, which Zuko wasn't really comfortable with, but it was Ty Lee, so it didn't bother him as it normally would. "I wonder where Suki is," she sighed, playing with the end of her braid absentmindedly. Zuko shook his head, the brunette's blue eyes filling his mind. "She said she'd be here soon. I don't know what's keeping her."

Nodding, Ty Lee began to hum to herself as the two of them continued watching the warriors train. Nyoka even managed to flip one of them, Keila, onto her back. Everyone cheered for her, and the little girl's chest just about burst with pride. 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Suki walked in. Though her attitude was upbeat and her gait brisk, her face showed something much different. Her skin seemed blotchy, her eyes bloodshot. If anyone else noticed, they didn't say anything.

"Thank you all for your patience, I apologize for my tardiness," she bowed to each warrior in turn, including Nyoka, and forced a smile. Zuko's brow furrowed. What could have happened between breakfast and now that had soured her so completely? Suki continued in the same breath, not looking to Zuko at all. "We have two special guests today, ladies, and I don't want anybody to go easy on them. You all know Nyoka, and most of you know Fire Lord Zuko. If you don't, please get acquainted while I set our equipment up." 

Zuko didn't have the chance to go and talk to her before a small group of Kyoshi warriors gathered around him, introducing themselves in in a procession. Many of them Zuko knew from their time guarding the Fire Palace, like Alya and Kiela, but the few he didn't were just as kind and friendly as the others. Zuko respected these women beyond words, and truly valued them as the most skilled fighters in the world. 

As he made conversation with the warriors, as well as little Nyoka who demanded attention from the vicinity of their kneecaps, Zuko found his eyes wandering over to Suki. Setting up the dummies, he saw her wipe her cheeks many times, shaking her head when Ty Lee approached her. 

That deep sadness had washed over her again, and Zuko couldn't take it. It seemed unnatural, someone so vibrant to be so dulled. He would give anything to know what was wrong. When she finally made her way to the center of the room, her eyes were dry, her face somber. 

"Okay, ladies! Serpent formation!" Silently, the Kyoshi Warriors assumed a snake-like line around her, facing off with one another, fans open and feet planted. Zuko and Nyoka stood against the wall, the young girl's face slack in fascination. The warriors were obviously her heroes. Zuko couldn't help but smile at her joy, his stomach turning when the image of a burning hut played in his mind. 

The group stood in still silence for a heartbeat, with Suki's palm open and her eyes closed. The instant she closed her fist, the girls launched on one another. It was sort of useless for them to fight each other, Zuko thought, because they all moved in unison. They were parts of the same whole, like his dual swords. It was truly fascinating to watch. 

Ty Lee jumped over and around her partner, a short, muscular girl, with ease. "Come on, Nikita! You caught me way sooner last time!" Her opponent shook her head, her short curls sticking to her forehead with sweat. "Ty Lee, I told you your little games don't work on me! I'm just letting you tire yourself out," she smiled, crouching down and keeping her eyes on the nimble girl. The two of them might have been doing a dance. Zuko noticed that Suki had stopped to observe them, as well as a few other warriors who had already finished their battles.

Nikita rolled away from Ty Lee's advances, launching herself up in the next breath and catching the girl’s ankles between her legs, trying and failing to still her. Still laughing, Ty Lee flipped onto her hands, using her restrained legs to throw her opponent to the opposite wall. As buff as Nikita was, she was just as agile as her partner. She managed to roll herself around, kicking off from the wall and springing at a shocked Ty Lee. 

The girls wrestled on the floor, a ball of limbs and hair. Zuko didn't see how either of them would come out on top. The entire room was invested in them now, and he thought he saw silver coins swap hands. This was much better than an Agni Kai.

After what seemed to be an eternity, Nikita ended up flat on her back, a breathless Ty Lee straddling her. "I win," she taunted, the curly haired girls’ wrists pinned to the ground. Nikita laughed, relaxing in defeat. "You got me this time, babe."

Ty Lee leaned down, pressing a kiss to Nikita's lips. This action took Zuko aback, but evidently no one else was surprised. A few of the warriors even rolled their eyes, taking their winnings and dispersing about the room. The two girls stood, dusting themselves off and shoving each other playfully. Suki shook her head, a small smile coming to her face for the first time since she arrived. "Great job, ladies. Nikita, you turned your back on Ty Lee a couple times, that let her get the advantage. Work on that, okay?" 

Nikita nodded, sliding her arm around Ty Lee's waist and kissing her on the cheek. "Not all my opponents will be so trustworthy," she laughed. Zuko was still incredibly confused. Ty Lee had never mentioned having a girlfriend. To be fair, he had never asked. But still. 

Zuko watched in quiet awe as the warriors ran through several drills, each more complex and well executed than the last. After a few hours, Suki decided that Zuko would spar with their newest warrior, a tiny girl named Lou. She couldn’t have been any older than 14, but she carried herself with the confidence of a senior official, her chin lifted and her shoulders rolled back. 

Suki stood between them, arms raised. “Okay, thirty seconds, no bending, no biting, and no kicks to the groin. Go!” Launching out of the way, the brunette crossed her arms to watch the match, whispering something to a giggling Ty Lee. Shaking his head, Zuko directed his attention to his opponent. 

Only his opponent was no where to be seen. Zuko looked around, unsure of where the Toph-sized girl could have possibly gone. In his confusion, he just barely heard the rush of wind before Lou’s full weight was thrust upon his shoulders. His knees buckled, and his attempt to roll onto his back was thwarted when the tiny girl wrapped her arms around his neck and planted her feet on either side of him, leaving him thoroughly immobilized. Zuko couldn’t believe that Lou had gotten him down so effortlessly. It was embarrassing, but also awe-inspiring. Suki called time, amidst the heavy laughter from the other warriors, and Lou released him, dusting off her small hands and bowing. 

Zuko stood, face red from his quick defeat. The girls all clapped Lou on the back, congratulating her and cracking jokes. “Don’t worry, Zuko,” Kiela laughed, dusting something off his shoulder with a kind smile on her face. “Not even Ty Lee can out-maneuver Lou.” Nodding, Zuko wiped the sweat beading on his brow, going over to congratulate the victor. 

“Congratulations, Lou. You are a force to be reckoned with,” he smiled, and the young girl’s somber face broke into a wide grin as she reached for Zuko’s hand. “Thank you, Lord Zuko! Your praise means so much,” the girl bowed deeply, which Zuko returned without hesitation. “If you don’t mind me asking, where did you learn that style of fighting? It’s not anything I’ve ever seen before, but it’s obviously effective.” He rubbed his elbows and winced, making Lou cover her face to hide her laughter. “I spent some time with the Freedom Fighters after my village was taken by…” She averted her eyes, and Zuko felt like he was hit by a wrecking ball when he realized what she meant to say. He nodded, looking anywhere but at her. 

At the mention of Lou’s past, the rest of the warriors dispersed, obviously avoiding the new awkwardness in the room. The two of them shifted around, until a thought struck Zuko. “Wait, the Freedom Fighters? You knew Jet, then?” He raised an eyebrow, peeking over at the girl. Lou focused intensely on the end of her ponytail, nodding solemnly. “Yeah. I left way before he… you know, I didn’t agree with a lot of his ideas. But I loved him, we all did. It hurt to hear about.”

Zuko tied own hair back and away from his face, willing his body to cool down. “How long did you stay with them?” He didn’t know why he kept pushing with the dumb questions, he was just happy Lou was talking to him like an actual person. “Four or five years.” She paused for a moment. “I miss them a lot.” 

“Smellerbee and Longshot are friends of mine,” Zuko watched as the girl immediately perked up, eyes wide. “Pipsqueak and The Duke, too. I can bring them for a visit sometime if you’d like.” He attempted a smile, and Lou grinned so widely in response he thought her face would split in two. “I would love that! Oh, my spirits, I haven’t seen them in forever! Thank you, Fire Lord Zuko,” she bowed deeply, and he mimicked her once again. “Just Zuko, please. You wiped the floor with me, after all.” 

Lou laughed, offering Zuko one more thanks before going off to talk to the other warriors. Zuko stood in place, shame building in his stomach again. There truly was not a single person out there who hadn’t been harmed in some way by the Fire Nation. He found it hard to be prideful in his country, even though it’s priorities had changed, because the terror they had wrought upon the earth and it’s inhabitants could never, ever be undone, no matter how much money he paid or how many houses he built. Some wounds were too deep to heal, and that bothered him more than anything.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize that Suki had come to stand beside him, watching silently in his peripheral for a few heartbeats before he became aware of her. “Hey,” he kept his voice low, his heart soaring when he realized it was her. 

“Hey,” she replied, offering a small smile.

Zuko surveyed the room, realizing that they were almost completely alone. Nyoka jumped around the room, trying to recreate Lou’s move to no avail. Nikita and Ty Lee stood in the doorway, saying their goodbyes to the now departing warriors. When he turned back to Suki, he felt that immense helplessness he usually had when it came to anything emotional. 

Suki was usually an extremely cool and collected person, never really mad or upset at anything. That’s why he valued her presence in discussions and meetings; she looked at things from every perspective, choosing the most logical option without comprising on human compassion. The sadness on her face was extremely unfamiliar, alien even, and it confused Zuko to no end. She had seemed alright that morning, not even four hours before. What happened?

“What happened?” Zuko blurted out, resisting the urge to smack himself not a moment after. Suki frowned, turning away from the golden-eyed boy and averting her attention to the floorboards instead. 

“I got a letter from Sokka.”

Her voice was so quiet it barely reached Zuko’s ears, making him pause for a moment before he could really understand what she said. When he finally realized, his legs turned to stone. “Sokka? That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” She didn’t answer, and Zuko deduced that it was not, in fact, a good thing. “What did he say?”

Suki pulled a crumpled piece of parchment from her pocket, smoothing it out the best she could before handing it to Zuko. He read the note rather fast, his brows knitting in confusion the longer he looked over it, and he had to go through the ending more than once to truly grasp what it meant.

”I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m spreading myself too thin. I’m neglecting my responsibilities to my tribe and to you trying to take care of both. I hope you understand the choice I have to make.  
All love, Sokka“

Suki was still turned away, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. When he returned the letter, she didn’t hesitate to tear it viciously down the middle, unable to contain the tears now streaming down her cheeks.

Zuko hated it. He hated seeing her in so much pain. A sudden, intense anger towards Sokka roared in his stomach like red hot flames. How could he do this to Suki, of all people? If there was anything Zuko understood, it was loyalty to family and one’s nation, but to cast Suki to the side as though she didn’t matter to him? Through a letter of all things? It didn’t earn any respect from Zuko. It simply was not respectable.

He learned that lesson the hard way, with Mai. It wasn’t a mistake he would ever repeat. 

Wanting nothing more than to reach out and console her, he had no idea if that was what Suki wanted in the moment. She had always seemed very self-sufficient, but Zuko knew that even the most independent of people needed a shoulder to lean on at times. From the look on Suki’s face, this was one of those times. Once he opened his arms to her, it took no time for the brunette to fall into his embrace, silent sobs rocking her body. Zuko could do nothing but hold her to him, rubbing his hands over her back. 

“My heart is broken,” Suki whispered into his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt. Anger flared in his stomach once more, and he had to suppress the urge to sprint to the Southern Water Tribes and turn Sokka into a charbroiled shish kebab. He had never seen Suki so upset. In fact, he had never seen her upset at all. Zuko wished, as he often did, that he was more in tune to social cues and emotional support. Those were skills that he never got the chance to cultivate, and his attempts fell short each time. If Suki noticed, though, she didn’t mind.

He held her for what seemed like an eternity, each of her shaky breaths sending new heat through Zuko’s body. As she started to calm down, Zuko smoothed his hand over her hair, cradling her to him with a gentle strength. Suki’s own hands, which had balled into the dark-haired boy’s shirt, slowly unclenched; her sobs turned to inaudible sighs, her posture slowly straightening until she finally pulled away from Zuko.  
He found himself wishing she hadn’t. The golden-eyed teen gazed down at the girl before him, her pain finding it’s way into Zuko as well. He could have held her for the rest of their lives, and he couldn’t help but think about how perfectly her body fit to his. It was a selfish thought, especially with the agony she was in, but it flitted through his mind nonetheless.

“Thanks, Zuko,” Suki murmured, wiping her swollen eyes and heaving a deep sigh. “I’m sorry for breaking down. I just- I just don’t know.” Without another word the brunette took off walking, her gait brisk and giving off the vibe that she didn’t want to be followed. It seemed to be just Zuko left in the temple, an eerie feeling falling around him in the new silence. He headed for the door, quickly finding his path blocked by an ever-smiling Ty Lee. “Did you think you’d get away from our session? Not today, Zuko!” 

Zuko groaned, rolling his eyes at the grey-eyed girl. “Ty Lee, I think I’ve had enough introspection to last a lifetime.” His attempts to maneuver around her failed, of course, as she kept stepping into his path. She rolled her eyes right back at him, placing her hands on her hips. “If that were even relatively true, you wouldn’t be walking like you’re made of wooden planks. I can see the knots in your back through your shirt. You need a therapy session, Zuko, and who better to guide you through it than me!” 

Thinking of many other people he would prefer to “guide him”, Zuko conceded and allowed Ty Lee to lead him into the center of the table, sitting cross-legged on the floor and motioning for him to do the same.

He mirrored her pose, straightening his spine and resting his hands on his knees. They sat in silence for a few moments while Ty Lee scrutinized him, Zuko nearly unable to contain the What on earth are you staring at that rested just behind his teeth. Finally, Ty Lee spoke.

“Guilt is an ugly thing. It eats away at us the way no other emotion does and is the hardest to get rid of. Why do you carry so much of it? It’s weighing you down, I see it in your eyes. And your posture.”

Brows furrowed, Zuko forced himself to straighten as much as he could, his annoyance dissipating as Ty Lee’s words sunk in. He never paid much attention to the girl’s spiritual talk, but could also never ignore just how accurate her observations were. This was no exception. He decided to open his mind to the session. It might actually help, and if it didn’t there would be no harm done.

“How could I not? I’m sitting in a village that I literally burned to the ground, surrounded by countless lives ruined at the hands of my people, in the middle of an earth that will never heal from my families cruelty!” His voice had risen again, but Ty Lee didn’t shy away from him this time. She pondered his words for a moment, her forehead creased. “You helped save the world, Zuko. Does that do nothing to satiate your guilt?” He shook his head briskly in response, his face warming. “Saving the world did nothing to reunite Lou’s family. Or heal Song’s scars. Or bring Lee’s brother back to life. The damage can never be undone.”

Ty Lee stared directly at him, her face somber. “If it can’t be undone, why are you allowing it to tear your spirit apart like this?”

“I’m not allowing anything! What’s tearing me apart is that I can’t fix all the pain my family has brought to this world for a hundred years! Sozin committed a genocide, Ty Lee. Ozai was on his way to do the same if Aang hadn’t stopped him. All those lives lost, all those people hurt, for nothing.” He shook his head, forcing away the tears that now burned his eyes. “Saving the world a million times over would never allow me to live that disgrace down.” 

“You carry the burden of a cruel bloodline. You’re met with mistrust before friendship, try as you might to correct your ancestor’s mistakes,” Ty Lee had not taken her eyes from Zuko the entire time, her voice steady as ever. “But they are not yours to correct. Your job is to ensure their mistakes are never repeated. The scars they left on this world are as permanent as the one on your face, and you should not be ashamed of either of them.”

She placed her hands over Zuko’s, and he felt the same sedation flood through his body as he did the day before. Ty Lee’s voice held a quiet sophistication

“This shame you feel is caused by more than just the actions of your family, Zuko. You need to lay all your misdeeds out in front of you. Quit keeping secrets. Quit hiding from them and quit hiding them from yourself. It does nothing to smother the feeling, just allows it to fester and grow until it bursts. It’s like poison. You have to rid yourself of it.”

Zuko didn’t respond. He didn’t know if he even could, really, though he knew he didn’t need to. Ty Lee was right. His guilt had only eaten at him so badly because he kept it bottled inside himself, hidden away from the world and, he realized, himself. He was hiding from his shame, and it was wreaking havoc on his mind, plaguing him even in sleep. He closed his eyes as Ty Lee began speaking again, peace radiating from her smooth hands on his wrists.

“Think of the things you are most ashamed of. Let them form clear pictures in your mind. Don’t shrink away from them, face them head on. Understand and accept that those things happened, and that the part of you who did them is no more. You are who you’re truly meant to be, Zuko. You are not your mistakes, and you are not the mistakes of your forefathers.”

Images floated around his mind in a blurred montage, some part of memories that didn’t even belong to him. The Air Temples set ablaze. The death of the moon spirit. Blue fire curled into the corners of his consciousness, Azula’s crazed laughter filling his mind. Zuko didn’t shrink away from any of them this time. He allowed the pain to climb to it’s peak, tearing through his body until it was nearly unbearable.

Hot tears spilled onto Zuko’s cheeks before he could stop them, his lungs filled to the point of bursting with a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

Those things happened. Accepting that they did, immortalized in history for eternity and impossible to ignore, was one of the hardest things Zuko had ever come to terms with. The silence seemed everlasting, his brain a swirling cycle of remembrance and acceptance. Every once in awhile Ty Lee would place her hand on his knee, focusing her peaceful energy into him. When her soft palm came to rest on the scarred side of his face Zuko didn’t flinch, allowing her to project her energy into what was the physical symbol of his shame. It didn’t bother him. It was only Ty Lee.

He grasped briefly onto the thought of how impressed he was with her maturation. As immensely as he respected her, Zuko suddenly realized his sisterly love for the wise girl in front of him. “Thank you, Ty Lee,” he whispered, his voice rough. “I didn’t realize how… bad it was.” The brunette simply shook her head, launching to a standing position and extending her hand to the golden-eyed boy, which he accepted with no hesitation. “No problem, even I feel relieved!” 

Zuko took a steadying breath, following Ty Lee to the massive oak doors. “So, you and Nikita seem happy,” he offered a smile, and at the mention of her girlfriend the brunette blushed vividly. “Yeah, she’s wonderful. And so funny, and pretty, and she’s never ever mean to me.” Ty Lee gazed off, twisting the end of her braid with a dazed smile. Zuko observed her for a moment, figuring now would be the time to find out the answer to a nearly life-long question.

“So the opposite of Azula?”

Ty Lee snapped her head over to Zuko’s direction, the color draining from her cheeks. “Y-you knew?” Her voice was quiet, and the dark-haired boy nodded in response. “I had an idea. You were the only person my sister ever apologized to. Or had empathy for. I knew you were special to her, at least.”

She turned away, shaking her head. “I loved her,” she whispered. “Still do, if I’m being honest, even though she hates me.” Sadness crept into her voice, the hoarseness of a suppressed sob evident in her tone. “Azula thinks I betrayed her, and maybe I did, in a way. When I saw her getting ready to attack Mai, I had to do something. I didn’t want them to hurt eachother, but I also didn’t want her to do something so… horrible. Even she wouldn’t be able to cope with that.”

Zuko nodded, squeezing her shoulder in support, the memory of the scene unfolding in his mind. He had never thought of it that way. His relief that Azula hadn’t fried Mai to a crisp had vastly overruled any other thought process. “You can visit her whenever you’d like. I go from time to time.” Ty Lee seemed to perk up slightly at that, raising an eyebrow questioningly. “Really? How does she treat you?” Hope sounded in her voice.

“Sometimes she talks. Other times she just stares. It’s hard to know what she pays attention to and what she doesn’t.” He turned away. The thought of his sister locked away in a treatment center killed him, but it was a much better fate than what leaders of the other nations had planned for her. A child soldier, broken by the weight of betrayal. An even heavier burden, Zuko thought, considering the revelations about her and Ty Lee. 

He felt the brunette’s hand on his forearm, and when he turned he found her with a small smile on her face. “I’m proud of you, Zuko. I think you made real progress today. All that’s left is to speak it out loud, put it into the universe. It’s therapeutic.” He grinned in return, squeezing her hand. “Thank you for your guidance. I’m incredibly appreciative of you.”

Ty Lee checked the clock on the far wall, nodding towards the door. “It’s almost time for the banquet! Suki should be waiting for us down at the pavilion.” She turned on her heel and walked out, glancing back to ensure Zuko was following her.

Suki. Zuko hadn’t even begun to conquer the shame he felt surrounding the beautiful brunette. He realized that the guilt was unfounded now, at least, since she received that letter from Sokka. How cruel of him to even consider putting that kind of pressure on her, purely for his own selfish wants. There was still a tear stain on his shirt from her breakdown, and here he was thinking about a new opening to her affections. Sick.

Embarrassed as he was, each step closer to the banquet was filled with excitement to see the blue-eyed girl. Suki, before anything, was one of Zuko’s best friends. Being in her presence was uplifting, and her absence seemed to be weighing on him. When they came upon the large patio, filled with people milling around large tables and huge servings of food, the sun was just above the horizon. It tinged the sky a warm pink, bathing Kyoshi in it’s light. Many people greeted and hugged Zuko, shoving handmade baked goods and food into his hands as he sought Suki out. Ty Lee left him at some point, most likely to find Nikita. He finally came upon her at the center table, across from Oyaji and a group of elders who all smiled kindly and carried on their conversations. “Lord Zuko!” Oyaji exclaimed, standing to shake the boy’s hand vigorously. The goods slipped from his arms, and Suki- who up to this point had avoided Zuko’s eyes- launched to catch them before they hit the ground. She sat them in a clear spot of the table, smiling bashfully up at him. “Saved you a seat,” she murmured, sliding over and motioning to the area beside her. Zuko sat, greeting Oyaji and the rest of the elders and offering Suki a (hopefully) supportive smile. “The food looks delightful, and everyone seems to be having a good time. Thank you so much for allowing me to visit here, Oyaji.” Zuko bowed, which was returned immediately. “Of course, young Fire Lord. Everyone is ecstatic to have you.” Before Zuko could respond, a rotund voice bounced around the gathering, stopping everyone in their tracks. “Not everyone, Oyaji!”


	3. Close Friends

Every head on the patio snapped to a group of burly men, all armed and all glaring at him with pure hatred in their eyes. Momentarily stunned, Zuko almost launched into a defense position. He didn’t want to be seen as an aggressor, but he also did not want to let himself be attacked. Deciding to remain seated, he took another look at the group. 

They were the same men, he realized, who had stared him down that morning. Oyaji stood instead, speaking directly to the man who appeared to be the leader. He was huge, even taller than Chit Sang and twice as wide. His dark hair was twisted into locs that reached his shoulder, his receding hairline the only real indicator of his age. 

“Hideki!” Oyaji called, shaking his head. “Don’t you start anything, there are children here!” Hideki held out his palm, a handful of dirt forming hard rocks that floated in circles above his hand. “Sit down, old man, you’ve done enough damage. Allowing this… this ash maker to come into our land that hasn’t even grown back from his evil deeds!” He lumbered over to where Oyaji stood, shoving him aside and placing a hand on the table across from the Fire Lord.

Zuko took a deep breath, glancing over at Suki. Her face gave nothing away, and Zuko knew without a doubt that they could take out the group, earthbender or not, should they need to.

But he didn’t want to. Not in the slightest. These men had real, genuine issues with him for something Zuko had never faced a consequence for. How could he bring himself to attack them, when his actions were the cause of their anger? 

“Hideki,” Zuko began, trying to find adequate words. What could words even do in this situation? His search ended prematurely, however, when the large man’s face distorted in anger.

"Who are you to speak to me!" Hideki bellowed across the table, his massive shoulders swelling with anger. "A spoiled rich boy who was handed the throne, wreaking havoc wherever you pleased! How dare you step foot on this sacred land? You have gall, boy, and I'm going to beat it right out of you!" The burly man lunged, and before Zuko could react Suki had him out of his seat and crouching behind her, her pocketknife plunged into the table just a hairs width away from Hideki’s hand. 

"No!"

Silence fell across the gathered tables at Suki's declaration. The brunette, who was about one sixteenth of Hideki's size, stared up at the giant man defiantly. "Hear him out! Nothing will ever justify what he did to your village, Hideki, our village, you and I both know that." At this the man growled, but he didn't dare take his eyes away from Suki. 

She was asserting her dominance, and Zuko didn't think this was a fight Hideki could win with all the brute strength in the world.

A heartbeat later Suki continued. "But the Fire Lord is only just seventeen. Listen to his story, if he so chooses to tell it, and decide for yourself if he has earned your forgiveness, Hideki. He will pay whatever price you ask of him." She turned and looked down at a shocked Zuko, offering her hand to pull him to his feet. 

"It’s your choice, Zuko. You don't owe anyone an explanation." Her brows were knitted together; her voice quiet.

"Yes, he does," growled an up-til-now silent member of Hideki's entourage. "We lost everything. Had to rebuild our lives from the ground up because of him. What does he know about suffering?"

Zuko straightened, looking out at the sea of faces surrounding him. Nausea hit him like a brick. He knew, however, that he would need to make these people see him as more than a tyrant. More than a Fire Lord. He wanted the people of Kyoshi's forgiveness so badly, he would have done anything in that moment to gain it. Even lay out the tragic joke that was his life to them.

Looking directly at Hideki when he spoke, the young Fire Lord took a deep, shaky breath, preparing himself to relive the darker moments of his life. "I do owe you all an explanation. I'm not telling you this for any kind of pity, or to justify what I did. I can only hope to truly earn your amnesty, and if laying out the trials of my life will help me on that path, I will gladly do so."

Hideki cracked his knuckles, taking a seat. From his peripheral, he saw Suki nod in support. 

True humility. True humility. True humility.

"I was the crown prince of my nation growing up. You're right, Hideki, I had everything handed to me. I wanted for nothing but my father's acceptance and to best my sister, Azula." A shudder ran through the crowd at the mention of his nefarious sister. Zuko shook her spine-chilling grin from his mind and continued.

"When I was a child, my sister told me that my grandfather, Fire Lord Azulon, had ordered my father to kill me as punishment for his arrogance. He was going to do it, too, if my mother hadn't overheard Azula taunting me." Zuko tried to calm his erratic heartbeat, the faces in the crowd blurring with his vivid memories. "My mother was the person I loved most in the world. That night, she came and hugged me goodbye. I didn’t know it would be the last time I ever saw her. Azulon died that same night. That's when my father took the throne."

A confused murmur filled the space for a moment before dying down, but Zuko didn't know anymore than they did. Hideki's eyes narrowed as he rested his forearms on the table, absorbed into the Fire Lord's tale. 

"When I was thirteen, my Uncle allowed me to sit in on a war meeting with all of our nation's highest-ranking officers. I was expected to sit quietly, as it was an honor to even be present for things like that. All our lives, we're taught that the Fire Nation is the pinnacle of civilization. That the war was to share our wealth, our prosperity. That day was the first time I had been shown anything different."

The entire village was staring at him. His heart felt as though it was fighting to break free from his chest, but he could not stop now. 

Lay it all out.

"The plan they were discussing would lead to a massive number of casualties. It was tactical, but unethical. I couldn't believe how calloused they were, these people I had been conditioned all my life to believe were the good guys, were talking about human life as though it was disposable."

Snorting, Hideki and his gang rolled their eyes, "Rich," one of them murmured, but was instantly silenced by a death glare from Suki, who offered a smile and whispered, "Go ahead, Zuko, we're listening."

Even though every muscle in his body was screaming Get away! Zuko knew he had to finish. He had to put this out into the universe, to cleanse his body of this poison. "I spoke out against the general's plan. It brought the highest of shame onto my father, who didn't tolerate even the smallest disrespect. My punishment was to be an Agni Kai, a formal fight between me and who I thought would be the general I disrespected. A battle of our fire bending abilities." The crowd flinched once more at the mention of this, but no sounds were made.

Zuko closed his eyes, feeling nothing but searing pain in his scar. Whenever he thought about the Agni Kai, the red hot flames devouring his skin, it began to burn with the intensity of when it was first created. "When I accepted, I had no idea Ozai was to be my opponent. I would have never... My pride, you see, was always my fatal flaw. I broke down, on my knees, in front of half of the Fire Nation, and begged for forgiveness. Surprisingly, Fire Lord Ozai was not a very merciful man." 

Though he didn't intend for that to be funny, a nervous giggle sounded in his ears. This made Zuko relax, and he felt a little bit better. Ty Lee was right, in a way. This was therapeutic.

The laughter soon stopped, however, at Zuko's next words. "He burned half my face off and sent me into exile, giving me the false hope that I could return home if I captured the Avatar. It was a futile mission, the search for my honor, and he knew it. In the end, I realized that it wasn't honor I cared for, it was my father's love, his acceptance. I morphed into this evil, demented person who wanted so desperately to be accepted that I destroyed countless lives. Including all of yours. It's no excuse, I was old enough to know better." He searched the crowd for Ty Lee, and found her somber face at one of the outer tables with the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors, her head on Nikita's shoulder, and she smiled in assurance. 

A hush fell over the gathering, until a young boy with no front teeth raised his hand and called out to Zuko. "Suki said you freed the Avatar's sky bison! Is that true?" His wide brown eyes reflected the lanterns, and Zuko nodded, surprised that was the question he chose, of all things. All the children cheered for him at that. Obviously, Appa was popular in the village as well. 

"Katara told us you took a lightning bolt from Azula for her, and you've got the scar to prove it!" Called an elderly woman seated beside Oyaji, who was leaning forward imploringly. Zuko nodded, untying the belt around his tunic just enough to show the marred flesh below his ribcage. Everyone ooh’d and aah’d, and as much as Zuko disliked being so... vulnerable, it was also kind of freeing. 

No more secrets. 

More and more people began asking Zuko questions, trying to separate the man from the myth. Some questions were about his misdeeds, others about rumors that had spread unchecked. By the end of the night, Zuko had relayed the entirety of his journeys to the gathered people of Kyoshi, even the parts he was most ashamed of. Abandoning Uncle Iroh. Trying to kidnap Aang so, so many times. Stealing from Song's family. 

But he also got to talk about the good parts. The tea shop in Ba Sing Se. Breaking Suki and Hakoda out of The Boiling Rock. His many adventures with his friends. They especially loved to hear about Toph, whom they had never met and had an even more mystic lore surrounding her than Zuko himself. The entire time Zuko spoke, Hideki remained silent, not asking any questions or giving so much as a change in facial expression. 

Finally, when all the questions had been asked and the curiousity satiated, Zuko squared off with the massive man. "Hideki," the young Fire Lord kept his voice steady, strong. "I know that the pain I brought on your people can never be undone, but I hope that you can find it in your heart to accept my apology. I am so, so sorry for the hurt I've unfolded on this beautiful island. I will spend the rest of my life paying reparations if that's what it takes."

The man rubbed his hand along his chin, eyeing Zuko skeptically. He turned to his entourage, who exchanged quiet conversation before he faced the Fire Lord again. 

"Young Zuko," his voice no longer held the agitation it did an hour ago. "You have suffered unforetold misery, the worst of which at the hands of your own family. I could never imagine such pressure on my shoulders, especially as a child." He stood, as did the rest of his group. Zuko felt Suki tense, but he squeezed her shoulder to let her know it was okay. 

Whatever judgement they gave, Zuko had come to peace with. 

Hideki ran his hand over his short brown locs before extending it over the table, looking back up at the Fire Lord with softer eyes. "Turning on your father could not have been easy. Courage like that is rare, young Zuko, and it earns the respect of me and my men. Enjoy the rest of your stay in peace. In my opinion, you have more than earned it." Without another word, the huge man gathered his entourage and left the gathering, lumbering away and chuckling at one another.

Suki took that opportunity to swoop Zuko into a hug, forgetting her own strength and crushing his rib cage. "Oh Zuko! I'm so proud of you! That's the longest I've ever heard you talk!" Chuckling, Zuko wrapped his arm around the tall girl. "Thank you, Suki, I wouldn't have been able to do it without you and Ty Lee."

At the mention of her name, the girl appeared at Zuko's elbow, her usual smile taking up her entire face. "Don't give us the credit! You just needed a little push, is all." She reached up to kiss Zuko square on the nose, causing a blush to instantly rise to his cheeks. "Uh, thanks, Ty Lee." 

For the first time in what must have been his whole life, Zuko felt no weight on his shoulders. He knew that this was just the first step of many, but the happiness he felt when Suki interlaced their fingers and kissed the back of his hand, smiling up at him with twinkling eyes was more than enough for him in that moment. Elated would be an understatement.

The banquet soon turned into a party when the tables were cleared, making way for a massive dance floor. Never one for dancing, Zuko found a seat off in a corner, more than happy to sit back and observe. He should have known his friends wouldn’t allow him that much peace.

After a lot of arguing, the young monarch found himself in a traditional Fire Nation dance with Ty Lee, whose grace showed through her fluid dance moves. They swirled each other around with ease, all eyes on them. Zuko hadn’t danced like this since childhood, and when the beat sped up and he was swept into a large Earth Kingdom group dance the dark-haired boy laughed like he never had before. 

At some point he and Suki found one another, a blush rising to both their cheeks. She extended her hand, which Zuko gladly took, and led him all around the dance floor, her smile the most radiant he had seen since he arrived. When he opened his mouth to speak to her, she quickly passed him off to an elderly woman who looked all too happy to dance with him. The blue-eyed girl disappeared from Zuko’s view, much to his disdain, but he couldn’t get away from the woman. She gazed up at him with doe like eyes, resting her grey head on his chest and swaying from side to side. At this point, Zuko didn’t even want to break away from her. 

Surrounded by all these people, so kind and generous, the young Fire Lord felt loved. And that was a wonderful feeling.

Towards the end of the night, when his feet were tired and his face hurt from smiling so much, Zuko felt a hand wrap around his bicep, turning with a start to find Suki, a grin still on her face. “Wanna sneak back home? I’m all danced out.”

Nodding, Zuko glanced at their surroundings. It was the first time all night nobody was seeking him out, and he figured then was as good a time as any to make a break for it. He and Suki took each other’s hands, darting out of the lit pavilion and following the foliage up to her house.

When they made it into the small home, breathless and invigorated, they began laughing heartily, shoving each other around. “Nice dance moves, I’m surprised Toph doesn’t call you twinkle toes,” Suki stood, steadying her breathing. Zuko shook his head, his face becoming serious instantaneously. “Don’t you ever tell her, either. I’d never hear the end of it.” 

Suki laughed, tucking her hair behind her ears. The two stood in silence for a moment, the joy of the party wearing off and the awkwardness from the past two days setting back in. Shifting around, Zuko sighed, scratching at the back of his neck. “Well, I guess I’m gonna turn in. Lei said we have to leave early tomorrow to avoid some big storm coming from the South Pole.” Without turning to face her, the boy began making his way up the stairs, each step heavier than lead.

“Zuko, wait.”

Her voice was small, but brought joy to Zuko’s heart nonetheless. He was halfway up the stairs by this point, and when he looked down Suki was posted at the foot of them, her face slightly red. “Yes?” He asked, hope thudding in his chest. The girl glanced away, mumbling something Zuko couldn’t quite hear. Bemusement must have registered on his face because a moment later she heaved a deep sigh and repeated herself. “Will you stay with me for a little while? I… I don’t think I’m ready to be by myself.” Softening, Zuko nodded, nervousness taking awkwards place amongst his emotions. Smiling, Suki followed him up the stairs, touching a gentle hand to his shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispered, to which Zuki simply nodded in response.

He didn’t know they would be going to Suki’s room when he agreed to stay with her. His ascent to the room filled his body with anxiety, but upon entering he realized it wasn’t much different from his own quarters next door, aside from a few personal touches. 

A picture on her dark wooden vanity caught his eye. It was a small, intricately designed portrait of the Kyoshi Warriors, a little girl on their shoulders. At first glance he thought it was Nyoka, but the parchment was also a little too yellow, too aged for it to be her. Her eyes were different, too. A light periwinkle. She actually looked like a young… 

“Suki? Is this you?” He wheeled around to find her rifling through her drawers, almost purposely avoiding him. Her reply was quiet. “Yeah. When I first got to the island.”

“First got to the island? I thought you were born here.”

“No. My parents brought me here when I was six. They left, and didn’t come back. The warriors took me in, they all worked together to raise me.” Fondness had crept into her tone when she began talking about the girls. He had no idea Suki had been abandoned as a child. She still didn’t look at him, and when Zuko couldn’t find any words she filled the silence.

“Don’t feel bad. My parents… weren’t very good people. Leaving me with the warriors was the absolute best thing they could have done for me.” With her back turned, she quickly undressed and changed into a plain silk nightgown. Caught off guard, Zuko didn’t avert his eyes, drawn to large scars that curled around her waist and into her spine. Finally she turned to face him, and there was no sadness in her features. They held the regal confidence they usually did, leaving Zuko speechless. 

Suki was stunning. Almost unreal. How had he never noticed her in this way before?

“Your scar…” Zuko didn’t mean for the statement to slip, but naturally, it did. Suki laughed when she saw the instant regret on his face, touching the hem of her dress, which rested just at the tops of her thighs. “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine,” she teased, bringing a blush to Zuko’s cheeks. “Oh come on, it’s nothing I’ve never seen before!”

He knew she was only joking, but the memory of that mornings events still brought a knot of tension into his stomach. It was the fact that he had no idea how she felt about him, how she felt about seeing him, that was eating away at him like no other. “That’s not funny, Suki. I was mortified.”

She giggled. “You have no reason to be. It’s not like you were completely naked.”

“Hilarious. You should do stand up comedy, you know?”

“And you should put the crown away and become a swimsuit model. Some aspirations are never accomplished.”

“Swimsuit model? Is that your way of telling me you liked what you saw?” Finally, he had the advantage. Suki’s face nearly turned purple at his words. “No! I mean, I did, but if I wanted to tell you that I would just say it!” She sputtered, crossing her arms. 

Then she did think of him as attractive, in some respect. Zuko’s head ballooned up at the revelation, his next words taking on a more sultry tone. “So tell me.”

Suki’s eyes widened at his sudden change in demeanor, the redness in her cheeks deepening. “W-what?”

“Tell me what you think of me.”

He took Suki’s hand between his own, unaware of his own movements. She stared at their point of contact, and it seemed like she was holding her breath. He had never seen her so flustered. “I think you’re very handsome, Zuko,” she whispered, bringing their hands to her face and peppering kisses across his knuckles. “I think your scars are neat. I think you’re very strong. Mentally and physically.”

A pause. It was Zuko’s turn to be overwhelmed, taking everything he had not to squirm beneath Suki’s stare. Her lips grazed his wrist, his pulse quickening when she stepped closer to him. “I think the things I learned about you today solidified that.” Her free hand pressed against the middle of his chest, where the mark of Azula’s lightning lay just beneath the fabric. Finally she pulled her gaze from his, lifting her dress to reveal a huge, rugged patch of flesh taking up her entire side.

Shocked, Zuko didn’t move, zoned in to the scar. He realized it wasn’t one large mark, but a series of small ones all situated in the same area. Each welt had it’s own distinct shape, almost like a riding crop. Actually, it was exactly like a riding crop. “Oh…” Zuko murmured, his mind running rampant with what could have happened to her. Suki dropped the thin fabric, clearing her throat. “I didn’t know it was your dad who…” She brought her hand to his face, running her thumb over his scar just as she had that morning. “I thought it was from a fight, or some kind of accident. I’m so sorry.” 

Zuko didn’t speak. Tentatively, he reached out to place his hand on Suki’s side. He could feel the ribbed flesh beneath the silk. It brought genuine pain to his chest thinking about the massive amount of rage it must have taken to create those wounds. The more he thought about it, about the agony Suki was subjected to, the angrier he got. The brunette ran her fingers down his arm, looking down. “I told you that my parents weren’t the best. They were very angry people. I can barely remember them, now.” She heaved a deep sigh. “I can’t even remember what I did to upset them, the day they… We were visiting the island, and I just remember running and hurting so badly. Not to be gross, but my skin looked like crow food.”

Gross? He didn’t mind gross in the slightest. It felt strange finding out so much about Suki all at once. It made him realize that he didn’t know her as well as he thought he did, and brought her into a whole new light. This was obviously a topic she didn’t speak about often, and he didn’t want to interrupt her. He felt honored to have something so private, so painful, shared with him. The wonderful feeling of being trusted was almost enough to quench his rage at Suki’s parents, wherever they may be. Almost.

“A warrior named Qi Mei found me hiding underneath the temple. When she confronted my parents about it, it didn’t go well. When I said they left me with the warriors, they actually didn’t have much of a choice,” she smiled at that, that same fondness coming back into her tone. “The warriors saw a little girl in need and did whatever it took to protect me. That’s the type of person I want to be, always. You know?”

Those clear blue eyes found Zuko again, and it seemed to him like they were much closer to eachother than they were a few moments ago. “I had no idea,” he whispered, moving his hand up her ribcage. She simply shrugged, playing with his shirt absentmindedly. “I’ve never told anyone about it,” she murmured. “Not even Sokka.”

Sokka. Zuko had completely forgotten about Sokka. Was he breaking some kind of friendship code by being so close to Suki, even though the two were broken up? The thought made Zuko nauseous, and he dropped his hand from the brunette’s side. Apparently oblivious to his discomfort, the brunette turned to climb into her bed, sitting on her knees to face him again. “Come sit,” she implored, glancing over at the massive amount of space on the mattress. Zuko took a few nervous steps, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed. 

Puzzled, Suki’s brows furrowed. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I…” Zuko felt a bead of sweat trickle down his neck. “I just don’t know where this is going.”

“What do you mean ‘where this is going’?” She formed quotes around the words with her fingers, the confused expression not leaving her face. 

“It feels like I’m doing something wrong, being here with you. Like this.”

Suki adjusted herself to be closer to him, searching his eyes. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with two friends finding comfort in eachother.” Comfort. Spirits, he wanted comfort. He knew he could find that with Suki, but he also knew comfort wasn’t worth risking the type of bond he felt with the

“What if it ends badly?” He hoped he wasn’t reaching with his implications; surely Suki was giving signs of wanting more than just to sit together. Her earlier praise of him, the intimate touches, the way she was leaned into him in that moment… Zuko wasn’t the most adept to things like this, but everything pointed to the conclusion he was, guiltily, hoping for- that he would spend the night with Suki as more than just friends.

“Why would it?” She was so close by this time that Zuko could smell her perfume. It was very faint, yet enticing. Like the flowers he observed his first night on the island. Suki reached out once more, cupping the dark-haired boy’s jaw. “I want to be close to you, Zuko, atleast for tonight. Tomorrow you go back to the Fire Nation and can act like nothing ever happened.”

Her voice was earnest, almost pleading. Zuko gazed at her, swept up in her soft features. “Suki, I want to be close to you, too. You have no idea.” He placed his hand over hers, placing a tender kiss to her palm. “I don’t know what’s making me so hesitant. Maybe it’s Sokka. Or that I respect you too much. I don’t know.”

Huffing, Suki pulled away, crossing her arms over her chest. “Zuko, you’re supposed to respect the women you’re intimate with.” She shook her head. “You’re looking at me as a warrior first, not as a woman.”

When she shifted, and he caught a glimpse of her curves beneath the silk of her nightgown, Zuko wondered how he could, at any moment, forget Suki was a woman. Just being near her drove him mad with the multitudes of emotions she stirred in him. It was almost unbearable. Lost in his thoughts, he realized that the brunette’s cheeks were suddenly glistening with tears. Frantic, Zuko leaned up, placing his hands on either of her arms. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” His voice was tight with panic.

She shook her head, wiping her face with new resolve. “It’s not you. I understand why you would be hesitant, especially because you’re so close with Sokka. I’m sorry for pushing for something you obviously don’t want, it’s selfish of me.”

“Wait, you think I don’t want this?” He found himself seated right beside her now, their knees touching. “Suki, even with everything that’s gone on since I’ve been here, the number one thing on my mind is you. I had no idea you felt that way about me, I’ve driven myself crazy wondering about it.”

Her head snapped up at that, confusion on her face. “But last night? You shut me down, I felt like a jerk.” Nodding, Zuko glanced over at her. “I was conflicted. I knew you were unhappy, but I felt like it would have been crossing a line, with you and with Sokka. I didn’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability.”

That beautiful smile filled her face, much to Zuko’s confusion. “I let Sokka go a long time before he sent me that letter.” A pause. “I’m a grown woman. My choices, and who I choose to spend my time with, are none of his concern.”

Suki straightened, smoothing Zuko’s hair away from his face. “And I’d like to spend my time with you, if that’s okay.”

Zuko laced their fingers together, his heart thudding out of his chest. Suki’s eyes fluttered closed, and she leaned into him. He met her halfway, their lips colliding in a kiss so charged with electricity it felt like lightning redirection. A heartbeat later she was straddling him, their hands tentatively exploring each other. Zuko got another chance to feel how perfectly the two fit together, Suki’s hips rolling against him every so often and pulling a moan from the depths of his stomach.

He felt her hands tangle into the hair at the base of his neck, her kisses growing more and more needy. Zuko hadn’t realized how desperately he himself needed human touch until he felt his body warm with happiness. He felt complete.

Suki kissed almost every inch of him, tenderly undoing his tunic and tossing it aside. They bumped into each other multiple times, laughing it off and kissing the offended area. It was much different than being with Mai. It was much different than anything he had ever experienced.

At some point he found himself on top of the brunette, her legs wrapped around him and his hands gripping her thighs. The vulnerability didn’t bother him. In fact, nothing bothered him. All that he saw, all that he felt, was Suki. 

“Zuko,” she whispered into the kiss, breathless. He pulled away ever so slightly, searching her face. She glanced down, taking his hand in her own and pulling it around to her inner thigh. Brows furrowed, the golden eyed boy met Suki’s gaze again. She didn’t shy away, her next words sending a wave of something primal through him. “Touch me.”

She didn’t need to tell him twice. Pleasing others was something he had been conditioned for all his life, and he most certainly didn’t mind doing so for Suki. He wanted to feel her. 

Watching her face was a pleasure in itself for Zuko. When her dress rode up, his hand between her thighs, and the inflamed skin of her side was cast into relief he leaned down to pepper kisses over it. Suki’s hands pulled at his hair, becoming more and more incapable of being quiet. He leaned onto her shoulder, kissing her jaw. “You can be loud,” he murmured. “I want to hear you.” From the look on her face, those words were all she needed. She let herself call out for him, pressing a butterfly-like kiss to the outer edge of his scar. Her shaky voice fueled Zuko’s longing for her, the desire to be close to her overwhelming.

The rest of the night was spent in intimate ecstasy, the two friends releasing tensions surrounded in love for one another. When they finally fell back onto the mattress, thoroughly exhausted, Suki pulled the young Fire Lord into her. He found being in her arms extremely comfortable, his eyes heavy. 

“Suki,” he whispered, tracing his hand over her scarred side. “Mmm?” the girl responded, her fingers combing lazily through Zuko’s hair. “I don’t want to act like this never happened.” A small sigh. He thought he heard a little giggle echo through her chest. “I don’t either,” she responded. “But I think we just made things a lot more complicated than we should have.”

Shaking his head, the golden eyed boy pressed his lips to Suki’s forearm, the warmth she provided lulling him into lethargy. “No,” he responded, his voice muddled. “I think it’s all pretty simple.” He enjoyed her presence, she enjoyed his. As long as that rang true, nothing else mattered.

That night, for the first time in forever, Zuko slept undisturbed. No nightmares plagued him, no voices haunted his thoughts.

On the island of Kyoshi, and in the arms of one of his closest friends, the young man had finally discovered true peace.


End file.
